So, as the nosebleeds began later in the night, and towards early morning – I decided to get it over and done with as I had felt that this time was going to be another profound one. I was talking to “M” when it hit with full force.
I do not remember much from that, except that I have yet another physical manifestation from this and that I indeed lost a lot of blood. I will, as I am hoping that “M” may have kept a log of our “chat”. What usually happens is that I automatic type when at the keyboard – this has happened before, so I only presume that it happened again last night.
I have no real recollection of what happened, but with the severity of the nosebleed, it must have been a doozy, with the severity of the blood I spat out, I must have spoken in tongue, and with the physical manifestation the experience must have been past life.
The physical manifestations that I experienced with this most recent episode look to be more permanent scarring to the physical shell of my body. I have contacted someone that I know who is a psychotherapist in the hope that he may be able to assist me in some small way. These ‘gifts” are, as I have always revered them, “curses” – and with each consecutive trance – they are becoming more prominent.
Today I had to go out and specifically buy an accessory to cope with this in a way that as I mixed among many “classes” of people – I do not wish to have to explain what I am, or what I experience. It is hard enough at times to cope myself – without any counsel; it feels that I am losing my mind. I have tried to understand – to no avail. I have tried researching these “gifts” – but none are as intricately detailed. The only thing that I can see of to do is that of to fully accept and surrender to these “gifts”, but as a mere human – I sometimes do wonder where / how I will end up!
I have been told by many people, elders within a myriad of alternative cultures, practices and traditions, that what I describe to them are individually unique and rare – but simultaneously possessing both is actually rarely heard of. But I am also told that this is especially so with the incorporation that I too am a Shadow-Walker. The combination of all three, so they tell me – is a very “dangerous” combination – both for me and for the purposes/people I use them with or on.
Sometimes a freak in nature is something that always has its purpose – but in this case – I am not sure, maybe too “emotionally attached to a physical shell” – as I am yet to locate the true calling of this deadly combination.
I have, although, incorporated them into past workings with great success. Doing work for others around the world and then collaborating with them to source the outcome of my workings. At first I was surprised that I have a high success rate – with 98% accuracy in my past workings. Now – it means more than just the satisfaction of accurate workings, as it now also includes that of physical change – emotional alteration – spiritual empowerment (but at the same time – spiritual disarmament).
Will keep updating from now on – as I will take yet more photos of the last outcome… Which will be a private journal entry – sorry guys!