take my name, i don't need it... (evendeeper) wrote in neurocromicon,
take my name, i don't need it...
evendeeper
neurocromicon

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.widow.

Soaring faster into the first day of the last day of us together as us together...feeling both indifferent and sympathetic because even though we've waited forever for this moment, we didn't expect it to come so soon...and now that it's here, we are left speechless when once we both reveled in the fact that we could out do anything either one of us could say to one another...so yes, we sit...wanting to hate...needing to get out and be free...but now we can't...suddenly...we start thinking about how it was when we first got together...we were always together...reading...walking...fucking...in rhythm...always in rhythm...we really didn't need to be around anyone else...we live, loved, breathed through and for one another...and as I was sitting there staring at you...you looking puzzled...dazzling...hideous...luscious...I started to think of how my life would really be without you...because up to this point, even though we are technically no longer together...a couple...we see one another all the time...we find stupid reasons to hang out...we aren't friends...I don't think we ever really were friends...just two lonely desperate people...co-dependant...alone...but what would my day be like not talking to you...not seeing you...you know after a year or so of consistency, it's hard to break the habit of you...I imagine you would probably feel the same of me...or maybe that's being a bit high on myself thinking that I am held in such high regard in your life...but who knows, right? since you haven't really talked to me in about six months...drifting you say...miscommunication you say...one sided you say...distant you say...no love...I never said I didn't love you...I never said I did love you either I guess...but that didn't mean that there was no love...it just meant that I wasn't strong enough to say it...until...well anyway, we are here sitting next to one another on this nasty cum ridden couch...god I hate this couch...so I suggest we move to the floor...you clutching your amaretto sour and me and my whiskey and coke move to the floor...damn I am dying to touch you...because I know this will honestly be the last time I will get the chance...because of the alcohol...and because we're so close...sitting close...that it seemed like the natural thing to do...I don't think it's out of boredom...but...yeah were was I...oh...I look at you and ask "how come?" - you stare at me...it's a nervous and uncomfortable stare and you begin to cry..."because I love you and you don't love me" - dammit, that fucking word again...I do...just don't make me say it..."come on please don't...you know what that does to me...please don't"...stroke your cheek wipe the tear...toast you as I pour us both another...me running out of coke so I take it straight; that word always made me laugh..."you never told me I was beautiful...not once" yeah I did...almost once...forgive me and my cowardliness..."come on...it'll be ok...I promise"
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